i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
