my mouth tastes like poor choices
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
