Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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