i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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