So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
