I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
