You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
