My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
