I can't watch pbs sober anymore
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
