I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
