u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
