Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
