I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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