dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
