omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
