i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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