Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
