please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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