Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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