he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
