Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
