How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
