Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
