Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
