Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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