Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
