You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
