Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
