He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You are the jesus of drinking
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
