i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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