She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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