i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
