Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
