We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
