that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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