Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
