Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
