I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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