We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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