Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
