He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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