so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
