You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
