I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
