Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
