im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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