if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
