Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
