He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
