his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
