Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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