mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
