if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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