So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
