so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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