oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
