I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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