Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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