you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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