what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
