You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
